One of the HUNDREDS of wedding site emails I get weekly had a link to this site, Cassie Boorn, and the author had put out a request for women to write letters to their 20 year old self, giving advice and maybe a hint of what was yet to come. At first I wasn't sure I was old enough to write such a letter- then it hit me. Its been almost 12 years since 20 came and went. So here goes...my letter to the 20 year old Sharon
Dear Sharon,
First, I thought you would like to know....we turn out pretty darn good girl! But don't let that fool you- it has not been easy and your 20's were pretty darn rocky at times- yet we have made it into our "30s" and are very happy with where life is taking us. If I could go back in time this is some of the advice I wish we had been given.
Even in your 30's you are still trying to find where exactly you fit in. But now you know that's ok! There is not one group of people that you should be friends with, there isn't one type of music or clothing style or lifestyle that is meant to be yours. I think that if we focused more on enjoying ourselves, and less on trying to be someone we aren't life would go a little more smoothly for you- and maybe you would have more long term friends too.
But...its ok to let friends go that aren't good for you. You don't have to pretend to keep up a friendship because you think you should. Stop wasting time with people who aren't really your friend or really don't care for you.
That includes boys. You spend an awful lot of time looking for "the one". But trust me-you can't rush it. In fact, in just a couple more years (after you finally walk away from you know who) you are going to meet the man that you will marry. Only it will still take almost another 10 years for him to realize it! While he is worth the wait- don't wait on him. Live your life until the time is right for both of you! Enjoy being single, enjoy being a young professional, and get yourself ready for a life together (which means no student loans in grad school missy....we are going to be paying on those things for the rest of our life!).
No matter how painful life is- please remember, Everything happens for a reason. It will take you a few years to really get that into your head- but its true. Even the long-term relationship that goes no where- it only sets in place everything else in your life. I promise.
Study! You are smart- things usually come pretty easy for you- but we only did the bare minimum to get by in school (although you rocked grad school). But put more effort into things- even things you don't enjoy.
Its ok to be sad. Its ok to love someone so much that you can't eat, sleep or function when they leave. Most importantly, its ok to FIGHT for what you really want. You are going to have to fight hard for the man you end up marrying (and hopefully have babies with). He sometimes doesn't get it like you do. It will take him a little while to figure it out- but he's worth it. He is only a diamond in the rough when you meet him- but he is the man of your dreams in a few years and worth every minute of time and attention you can give him.
Stand up for yourself in your first real job- but be respectful of those who hired you and had a lot more knowledge and experience in your profession (which won't be teaching by the way- have fun thinking about that!). While you won't end up staying there long- you can learn a lot from there and you should (and did).
For that matter, stand up for yourself everyday! You try too hard to be a people pleaser- get over it. You know your stuff and you should be proud of that. Now, that doesn't mean being ugly or mean- but stop letting people use you and walk over you. Please?
Force yourself to mingle at events (starting now!). We still have a hard time doing that- but it gets easier each time.
Walk around naked! I'm not sure how we got to be so prude- but its ok to be naked. (Now, please don't streak through the streets or parade around in front of people naked- but you will be much more comfortable in your own skin if you do this at home).
Finally, I am really proud of what you will become and have great hopes for our future. You are a fiercely loyal woman. You work hard, have done well in your life and have so much more to do. Stay active in your community and don't forget where you came from. Your family, your town and your connections got you where I am today- and they deserve a shout out- a bunch of shout outs. Try to stay closer to God in the future- it will prevent the really bad bumps that are coming your way if you do. But if you don't (which knowing how stubborn we are- you probably won't) remember that He never leaves you and is waiting for you when you finally decided to grow up. I promise.
Love,
A slightly more together-Sharon Maylene Spann...soon to be Mrs. ________
(You didn't think I would tell you did you?)
P.S.- Put the crackberry away. You will know what I mean soon enough.
