Don't Ignore

In our lives we ignore things on a daily basis. THOUSANDS of things. The voice in the office next to yours, the nagging ache in your back, phone calls and emails of people we don't want to deal with, dirty dishes in the sink and a floor that needs mopping, the homeless man on the street with his sign. We are almost programed to ignore that which is uncomfortable or unpleasant. And its easy to do. Our own lives are complicated enough without adding other people's problems or issues to them. There is always something more pressing to do.

Today, I am asking you not to ignore. For me- I've been ignoring our diagnosis of infertility. It is easier not to talk about it, not to share and not to have to deal with the thousands of questions that come from it. But easy is not why God put us on this earth. Easy is going with the flow and not standing up for one's self and the thousands of others.

It is national infertility awareness week and RESOLVE has challenged the millions like myself and Jim to write a blog called "Don't Ignore". Infertility is still a "dirty" word in this country and it is time for that to stop. Too many people are left in shadows with shame over something that wasn't their fault and there is MEDICAL procedures to help with. There has not even been a single media coverage of the event of any substance. It is time to stop ignoring.

Currently only 15 states require fertility treatments to be covered by insurance for this disease (and yes, it is a disease. A documented disease of which its patients have little control over). As a conservative I hate Government meddling in business affairs- but I also realize how little insurance companies want to cover. I saw in Florida where they did not even want to be mandated to cover therapies for Autistic children- and this year even made a play to have that removed. While I am completely OK with insurance companies (and any company for that matter) making a profit- even an obscenely large profit- if you are in the business of covering diseases- you should cover all of them and not get to pick and choose- and I am OK with paying more for that coverage.

Jim and I are in a tough battle and it is not even remotely over. It has created more challenges than I ever thought we would face in our entire marriage- much less the first year and a half. It has been emotionally, physically and financially draining. Dreams have had to be altered and faith has been shaken. So today, I am asking not for sympathy or pity, not even for kind words. I am asking for your prayers and for you to stop ignoring. Stop ignoring your neighbors, your friends, your co-workers, and your family. We all deserve that.

http://www.resolve.org/infertility101 (Basic understanding of the disease of infertility.)

http://www.resolve.org/national-infertility-awareness-week/about.html (About NIAW)

House Painting/Spring Cleaning

Sometime this winter we took our gutters down and discovered that the fascia and soffits (I have no idea how to spell that) was rotten.  Probably because they used particle board when they built it.  So a couple of weeks ago Jim took down all the rotten board and replaced them (this took more than one trip to Lowe's and several "only a few more items")- but he did a good job and I am always super thankful that I married a man who can fix things himself. 

House with new fascia and old mauve/pink color paint

Last weekend we pressured washed the house to prepare for painting.  Since we already had to paint the new boards and I was not overly in love with the not red (really almost mauve/pink) we decided to go blue. 

I didn't want to go too light of blue- and I didn't want to go too navy either.  And while I LOVE my Gators....I didn't want Gator blue either.

Yesterday while Jim was in Gainesville I started with the front door- and that was nothing but a mess.  When I started getting everything out it was bright, sunny and hot.  The minute I put the paint brush in the oil based paint (I have never used oil based paint and that was a disaster in itself) it started raining.  So the humidity and my ineptness made for a less than pretty front door- but I got it done. 

Blue- from a distance

This morning after trying out yet another new church we started on the rest of the house- and by the rest of the house I mean the front.  I completely over estimated ourselves and what we could accomplish in a day.  I also over estimated how much paint it would take to cover that lovely mauve/pink color. 

I think the front will be the longest.  The rest of the house doesn't have shutters and the area around the garage took a lot of paint and time. 

At least the part of the house folks can see when they drive the neighborhood is painted.  Hopefully we can finish the rest in a couple of weeks.  I also now have to think about what color roof we want! 



A side view



Welcome to the Spratt's!!

Joe's Suprise 65th Birthday Party!!

I don't know how it was done- but we actually surprised my father-in-law for his 65th birthday party in LaBelle.  There were so many pictures from the party I just put them all in a slide show rather than try to import one by one.  I hate that the ones of him walking in are so blurry.  I may need to upgrade the camera!  (Just kidding honey). 

Big props to my mother-in-law Bobbie for coordinating the event and for keeping it a secret- even when children started mysteriously showing up at the house-  6 hours away from where they live :-)

I only knew a few of the people there- but you could really tell Joe has had some great friends through the years.  It was a great turnout, great food and great people. 

Spring Travels

A once in a decade event happened this spring in Tallahassee-  the Legislature adjourned in March and the government relations world gets to actually enjoy Springtime in Tally!  We started our "early down time" with a trip to South Florida.  First stop Okeechobee to visit my parents and the Okeechobee County Fair and then over to LaBelle for Jim's Dad's Surprise 65th Birthday party.  While our parents live relatively close to each other- trying to visit them both on one weekend makes for a REALLY LONG AND TIRING WEEKEND.  Just sayin :-)

I was very sad to learn that Polly couldn't go to the fair-  apparently there is a no dog rule, even if we had health papers.  So no pictures of Polly playing with the cows at the fair- but they did have an awesome petting zoo.  After a brief night and day in Okeechobee we headed to LaBelle where we had to figure out how to surprise Joe. 

That wasn't as easy as you might suspect- or perhaps it is exactly what you suspected.  But thanks to my smooth talking husband and his nameless cohort (swear it wasn't me) - we were able to pull it off.  There were so many pictures from that event that I am going to put them in another post in a slide show.... 

Overall the weekend was a nice little get away from Tallahassee, the pollen that is attacking my sinuses and the laundry that I have refused to do for three weeks now :-)

I called this fellow Bob Marley

This little man was Merlin

Jim with a very big something

I am fascinated by trained pigs. 

This thing was cute. 

Winter Captured....

It has been a really busy Florida winter for us.  Tallahassee has been unusually warm- last year we had numerous days in the 20s...last week we had a day that hit 80.  Session started early this year, second week of January- so that meant we had a ton of committee weeks leading up to Christmas. 

Jim's family came to Tallahassee for Thanksgiving- so we got to host our first Thanksgiving.  Typical Spratt fashion- we had way too much food but had a good time.  Our friends Sue, Molly and Chris joined us- so we had good food and good friends! 

Before heading to Tennessee for Christmas we went to LaBelle to visit with some of Jim's family.  It was a quick visit- but we had not seen most of them since Swamp Cabbage that year  so it was a nice trip. 

Tennessee was also unusually warm for Christmas as well. We brought Polly with us- so we had to stay at a hotel. Luckily for Polly- the hotel we were staying at had a full breakfast every morning so she had sausage every day!

Polly with her Christmas presents

We were only in Tennessee for 3 days- but we made the most of it.  Jim went hunting- but didn't get anything.  We had the Floyd Family Christmas party at Uncle David's this year and took up a whole pew at church on Christmas morning. 

Papa had a pigeon problem in the barn- so Dad, Adam and I set out to rid him of the problem.  Dad was able to shoot 3 of the 4- so the problem may come back with reinforcements. 

 

Polly is still not amused with guns- but she did LOVE riding in the Gator to the other place with Adam and I to harvest wood for some of my Pintrest projects. 

When we got back Jim went on a rare trip out to the property in Quincy to hunt.  He saw the first buck on the place - a 9 point.  When he brought it back him and our neighbor Todd hung him in the backyard.  A true you might be a redneck!  Polly and Cracker both were totally in love with the deer.  The next week they stalked the ground around the tree he hung the deer from.  We've already had some of the meat and it has a MUCH better flavor than some of the other deer he has brought home. 

 With Session starting 2 months early it promises to be a boring personal winter- but busy with work.  Weekends seem to be reserved for laundry, cleaning and yard work thanks to the warm weather.  After session Jim and I will start preparing for our first (and please pray for it to be successful) IVF cycle.  If that is successful I see some miserable campaign walks for me this summer- but oh so worth it!!!

Polly loved running around in the pastures at Granny and Papa's....I can't wait to take her back again.

 

Welcome to Ireland

After our 11 day "stay" on the Emerald Isle, I now know why so many Irish settled in Tennessee- it looks almost the same (TN of course doesn't have the crazy amount of ancient structures like Ireland- but the rest is spot on).  Since anyone reading this knows me fairly well- you know that made my heart happy and sad at the same time.  Its been such a long time since I've gone to Tennessee that it made me homesick.  But enough about Tennessee, on to Ireland. 

Our first Guinness

Ireland was indeed very beautiful...and overflowing with history.  While we were there for 11 days- it wasn't enough time to really explore like I had hoped, but we managed to get more than our fair share. 

Immediately upon landing we headed to our small rental car (with a standard transmission- and did I mention a steering wheel located on the wrong side of the car?) loaded way too much luggage into it and headed West- towards Galway.  We did not have any firm plans for our trip besides our time in Dublin for the wedding- so the possibilities were endless.  Probably a good thing because my "tentative" thoughts for where and when we would go places was blown out of the water.  On the way there we had to stop for our first Guinness and at the oldest pub in Ireland- Seans Pub. 

By the time we got to Galway the sun was already setting (even though it was only a couple hundred miles) and we took the first B&B that we could find.  It turned out to be quite lovely and the owners recommended an amazing place for dinner that night.  We had one of the best meals, best wine, and a great desserts.  We called it an early night and got up the next day to head to Spiddal. 

We were heading to Spiddal because I had heard they had an amazing craft village.  On the way there our rental car died (ie the clutch went out.  We apparently weren't the first Americans to use that car)- but not before we had our first "narrow Irish road" experience.

I loved all fences built out of rock

My lovely ankle (still swollen when writing this post 2 months later)

 At the pub in Spiddal we learned how amazing Irish coffee was- and that "Black Velvets" are not something the Irish do to their Guinness.  After a disappointing shopping trip, but wonderful trip with friends and enjoying a leisurely drive around Ireland we headed back to Galway.  Once there I promptly fell and twisted my ankle.   I was pretty sure I broke it- but the x-rays I got 13 days later put a stake in that claim. 

Not one to totally let my clumsy self ruin the trip I proceeded to use Irish coffee and ice on the ankle to work my way to recovery.  Between my fall, the rain and the long time spent in hotel bar near where I fell we did not make it to our next intended spot.  We settled in at Ballyvaughn instead.  Our hotel was charming and the food was marvelous (excluding full Irish breakfasts...not my thing).  The next morning my back proceeded to go out- so you would think I would hang up the towel and call it quits.  But that is not the Spratt way.  Oh no.  I prayed, I medicated and drank some more Irish coffee.  And off we went...

The Cliffs of Mohr on my birthday

We started out heading to Aiwwee Caves.  The caves were discovered by a farmer in the 40s- but bear bones were found in the caves which means they had been around for at least 1000 years (bears have been extinct from Ireland for over 1000 years).  After the caves we headed the Cliffs of Mohr.

Guard tower at the Cliffs of Mohr

The Cliffs were amazingly beautiful.  It was like God just chopped off the end of the earth and let it crumble into the ocean.  We were really lucky that we were able to go up on the Cliffs because earlier in the morning they had been closed due to extreme winds.  It was still very windy and cold (thus me bundled up like an old lady).  Even with my back and ankle I was able to walk to the top where the guard tower was.

After the Cliffs we sat in the car with some wine, cheese and crackers we bought at the Caves.  Then we headed to Lahinch in search of a place to stay and a Chinese restaurant so my Asian birthday dinner tradition could continue. 

To be Continued in the another blog post....

Coming Out on Facebook...

Whoopsie.  That is often what I say to when I do something not as planned, that may have unintended consequences.  Usually when I say whoopsie I hear Jim take a big deep sigh...if I dare to make eye contact I usually get a glimpse of tempered frustration.  I often wonder if the longer we are married the less tempered that look will be and eventually become a look of outright disgust...

So...whoopsie.  Yes I did it again- although Jim doesn't know about this one yet and as long as he doesn't read my Facebook or my blog I doubt he will.  I think I accidentally, inadvertently "came out" on Facebook this morning.  I was reading a blog post, http://www.hannahweptsarahlaughed.com/2011/09/im-0-weeks-and-craving-a-baby/, on the newest Facebook meme (click on the word if you don't know its meaning, which I didn't- I had to look it up and thus providing the link) - the whole "I'm 10 weeks and craving peanuts" status update thing.  I, like the woman who wrote the blog, was more than a little annoyed and hurt about it.  It wasn't until my Mom, whom in addition to being well past child bearing age and several years past a hysterectomy, posted it on her status did I catch on it wasn't real.

I enjoyed this woman's blog post so much that I shared it and then my cousin replied to that "praying for you".  I immediately was pissed.  I thought- I didn't say I was infertile, I didn't say it bothered me to see those status updates I was simply posting that there are more effective ways to deliver a message and that this one was careless and thoughtless.  Then I worried that people would think we were having trouble conceiving and that Jim would be angry I put it out there for the world to see.  WHOOPSIE.  Then I thought...so? (well not "so" that Jim would be angry, but "so- who cares if the world knows we are now, technically and medically speaking, "infertile". 

For the past few months I have been tip toeing around all those well meaning folks who constantly ask "when are you going to have kids".  I've been reigning in extreme angry when my Mom and friends keep saying "relax, it will happen", "you are too uptight" or "you can't plan everything Sharon".  Actually, scientifically speaking, planning conception is incredibly easy and attainable for most.  Hell, I was "certified" to artificially inseminate cattle at the age of 15- I know exactly how easy it is to achieve pregnancy when properly planning- and besides everyone I know seems to be planning and achieving this quite easily right now. 

For weeks I've been crying during church when Pastor seems to delight in praying for all the fertile women in our church and the abundance of blessings with the babies that seem to be popping out right and left.  I've endured embarrassing tests, the breaking down of my personal medical history, Jim's medical history and our sex life (remember folks- still newlyweds).  And from what we understand it will only get worse. I've had to distance myself from pregnant friends, not because I wasn't happy for them- but because I was so incredibly unhappy for us that the thought of seeing a pregnant woman who wasn't me made me burst into tears.  Facebook is literally a minefield that I carefully navigate so as to not cause mid-day crying...but like an accident on the side of the road, I can't help looking and reading all those posts from the numerous pregnant couples online. 

But through it all the one consistent emotion I have experienced is shame.  Shame that I am unable to be a big enough person to publicly delight with my friends in their joys.  Shame that I am angry most of the time.  Shame that sometimes I get REALLY angry with God and shame that I can't even speak freely about this with most everyone I have always depended on and trusted. 

It seems that infertility is that "secret disease" that no one speaks of...and when you do its in quite hushed voices.  Almost like AIDS was, and in some way still is- "what kind of lifestyle did they live that can't have kids?".  I remember my Mom calling me once to tell me a friend I went to high school with had "finally gotten pregnant- but you know she had to have shots to get pregnant". So?  I haven't really spoken to anyone about it- and whenever I have I get simplistic answers like "oh- its just a matter of taking some medication and it will happen" or "relax" or "adopt- everyone who adopts then has kids on their own".  Really? Would you think to tell a cancer patient just to relax and then it will be ok? Do you tell them its so easy to fix? And no- I am not comparing infertility to cancer- but why is it ok for those who are sick to ask for prayers and those who can't conceive just get a "oh I'm sorry" and you never hear anything from anyone again. 

So yes- Jim and I are technically "infertile" and no- we don't know what we can do, we don't know why and most likely will never know why.  And that is ok.  Where we go from here is not up to us, but to God.  All we can ask for is your prayers and your understanding if we don't react the way you think is appropriate.  And I will offer my apologies to my friends that I just can't communicate with right now...I hope you understand. 

So...instead of posting "I'm 12 weeks and craving chocolate" on your Facebook- why don't you post a link to charity or event that has true personal meaning to you.  Maybe it will actually led to a better understanding of the issue...